so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My ass is underappreciated
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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