just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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