ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
