last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
