let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
