Your mouth is God's brothel.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
