At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
organizing the empties. That sober.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
