Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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