ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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