I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize