dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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