He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
