is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
