Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
