"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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