Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
