Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
