Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
