There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
