please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
