just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
