Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
