if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize