I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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