So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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