It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
