she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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