I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
