So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
