someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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