My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
