He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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