She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
