4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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