im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
