just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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