if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
