About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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