great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
