Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
