He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
