I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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