put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize