were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
