hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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