To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
