She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
