Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I didn't notice because vodka
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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