I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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