I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
