I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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