The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
