dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
