Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
