Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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