I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
