I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
