weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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