I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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