I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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