You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
