Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
