I want to make a zoo with you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
