How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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