have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
