chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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