I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
