First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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