I wanna bring you to show and tell
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
