Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
