Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
