she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
