OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
