I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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