I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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