He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
