This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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