he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want a musical about memes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
