Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
