Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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