sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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