The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
