Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
