she was so not down for the gang bang
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
