how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
