I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
