It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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