So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
