I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
